Amateur Hour

I don’t know who wrote this – if I did I would credit the author.  Its too funny (and true!) not to post.

A Mother’s Christmas Letter to Santa

> Dear Santa,
> I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled
> my children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than
> my own doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise
> money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was
> hoping you could spread my list out — over several
> Christmases.

> Since I had to write this letter with my son’s red crayon,
> on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles;
> and who knows when I’ll find any more free time in the next
> 18 years, so now – -
>
> *** Here are my Christmas wishes ***
>
> * I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (-in any color,
> except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t
> hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my
> screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
>
> * I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the
> seventh month of my last pregnancy.
>

> * If you’re hauling big-ticket items this year, I’d like
> fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays
> adult music; a television that doesn’t broadcast any
> programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with
> a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to
> talk on the phone.
>

> * On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that
> says, ‘Yes, Mommy’ to boost my parental confidence, along
> with two kids who don’t fight and three pairs of jeans that
> will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
>
> * I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting,
> ‘Don’t eat in the living room’ and ‘Take your hands off
> your brother,’ because my voice seems to be just out of my
> children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
>
> * If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle
> for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the
> same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room
> temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam
> container.
>
> *If you don’t mind, I could also use a few miracles to
> brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to
> declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience
> immensely.
>
> *It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help
> around the house without demanding payment as if they were
> the bosses of an organized crime family.
>
> Well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my
> feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his red
> crayon back. Have a safe trip Santa, and remember to leave
> your wet boots by the door, and come in and dry off, so you
> don’t catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but
> don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet. Yours
> always with love and appreciation, A Mom
>
> P.S. One more thing . . You can cancel all my requests, if
> you can keep my children ‘young’ enough to believe in Santa.

It reminds me of those old Tootsie Roll Pop commercials.

Good grief its been forever since I posted anything.  We’re back home in NC now, but we were in Oklahoma for 4 months while Joe was in training.  Here’s a brief summary of our trip:

We enjoyed the base pool at the end of the summer:

We went to a rodeo, which Charlie loved:

We went to the Oklahoma state fair:

We visited a pumpkin patch in the fall:

And dressed up as a fireman and dalmatian for Halloween:

We drove all the way to Colorado Springs to visit friends and tour the Air Force Academy:

Phew!  What a trip!  We did enjoy Oklahoma, but its nice to be back home.

“Is that chocolate or poop?”

I will spare you the answer to that question.

Have I mentioned that we are potty training this week?  Charlie is actually doing well – I’m really proud of him.  He definitely gets the concept, and we’ve had some modest success, but I think it’ll be a while before he is accident-free.

The rule in our house is:

“We wear underpants at the dinner table.”

No exceptions.

A couple of months ago, we moved out west temporarily, so that Joe could complete some training.  The thought of 2-3 days of driving with an energetic toddler and nursing infant was even less appealing than the nightmare hassle that airline travel has become these days.  We decided to fly.  Two kids, two flights, and one loooong layover, but we made it. 

Charlie at the airport:

Charlie and Joe on the plane:

Daniel met a friend on the plane – the same age as him!

Daniel on the plane.  He had the most leg room of anyone on the flight!

This made my day:

But wait, there’s more! Go to this site and click on “Watch Ready-Set-Bumbo Videos” to find the rest. Watch them in order if you can.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, “Bumbo” is the name of the little chair the baby is sitting in. Here’s Daniel in his bumbo:

A few people have asked me how Charlie is handling a new baby in the house. You be the judge.
Here’s Charlie – stealing a binky:

Charlie in the baby gym…with the binky:

Charlie trying to squeeze himself into the bumbo baby chair:

Charlie trying to fit in Daniel’s car seat…with the binky:

I guess he’s missing the good old days of binkies and babyhood. Being a toddler can be stressful, with lots of new responsibilities; dumping the freshly-folded laundry on the floor, coloring on the furniture, emptying mommy’s wallet – its a full-time job! Come to think of it, I could use a binky myself right about now…but I want one like this.

You will not get a memo when your child learns how to do something new. You will instead find yourself diving across the living room to shield the couch from being doused in nail polish because you were unaware that he had the hand strength and coordination to unscrew the cap.

Ten tiny toes are perfect for praying a decade of the rosary while nursing.