Amateur Hour

This recipe was posted on a forum that I visit. I thought it was a really neat way to teach kids about Easter. Charlie’s too young yet, but hopefully we’ll be able to do this when he gets older.

Easter Story Cookies
(To be made the evening before Easter)

You need:
1 cup whole pecans
1 tsp. Vinegar
3 egg whites
Pinch salt
1 cup sugar
Zipper baggie
Wooden spoon
Tape
Bible

Preheat oven to 300 degrees (this is important – don’t wait till you’re half done with the recipe)
Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested, he was beaten by the Roman soldiers. Read John 19: 1-3.
Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, He was given vinegar to drink. Read John 19:28-30.
Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. Read John 10:10-11. Sprinkle a little salt into each child’s hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus’ followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23:27.
So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know and belong to Him. Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16.
Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12-15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God’s eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. Read Isa 1:18 and John 3:1-3.
Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus’ body was laid. Read Matt 27: 57-60.
Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus’ tomb was sealed. Read Matt 27:65-66.
GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus’ followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. Read John 16:20 and 22.
On Easter Morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter, Jesus’ followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. Read Matt. 28:1-9.

Now, I have never made these, but I heard that it helps to chill the bowl that you use to beat the eggs. For moms like me who are amateurs in the kitchen as well, there’s a simpler way to make “empty tombs.” Take those ready-made biscuits that come in a can, and wrap each one around a big marshmallow, pinching the seam closed. Bake according to the directions. When they’re done, they will be hollow.

So far Charlie is not talking much, but he does have a few words. His favorite word is, “ta.” He invented it himself. As near as we can tell, it means, “I-want-that-thing-right-now-that-thing-over-there-that-shin y /electronic/breakable-thing-with-buttons-its-mine-give-it-to -me-now-please-right-now.” He often accompanies “ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, taaaaaaaaa” with pointing or reaching, just in case we don’t get it. The funny thing is, he reserves “ta” for things that he knows he’s not supposed to have. If he wants food or a drink or something along those lines, he reaches and grunts or whines/whatever, but doesn’t use his favorite word.

but something tells me that its time to mop the kitchen floor…

Somewhere, my mother is wondering where she went wrong.

I love Charlie’s hair. I love that its red, and I love that it has soft baby curls. But Charlie’s hair was too long, and it needed to be cut. I knew this, but I was putting it off. Joe finally convinced me that it couldn’t wait any longer, and we thought we would try to cut it ourselves. And so it begins:

The plan was to sit Charlie at the edge of the sink, run the water (to keep him occupied) and use the clippers. Here’s the “before” picture:

Well, even though we were both standing right there, Charlie fell into the sink and bumped his head. Poor little guy, he can’t help that his parents are clueless. So, we tried again, this time with Charlie in my lap. We decided we should save a lock of his hair, but of course we were not prepared to do that, and didn’t have a rubber band small enough to hold his hair. So we did this instead:

Yeah, we’re running a quality operation here. Anyway, we finished cutting his hair.
Here is the result of our efforts:

Not good. We are not barbers. Charlie was looking a little bit like Adolf Hitler with that funky comb-over, so we decided that we should bring him to a professional. We brought him here:

Did you notice the sticker in the window that says “Military Cut $7.30?” I didn’t. This will be important later. The woman who cut his hair was very nice. I asked that she leave it long. What I said was, “I don’t want it to look like he’s enlisting.” Here’s Charlie in the chair, looking pretty happy:

Before long, he got a little scared. Perhaps he noticed the sticker in the window and knew what was coming:

And here’s the finished product:

*Sigh* He looks like a new recruit. The sticker in the window should have been a clue. Oh, well, it will grow back, I suppose.

If you follow “Lost,” you know that there was a 3-month break in the middle of the season, with the promise of all new episodes (no re-runs!) in the spring. I’m still a little bitter that they take such long breaks. Don’t they know that I need to be entertained in the evenings? I do my job, why can’t they do theirs?? Anyway, at least they warned us when “Lost” was taking a break. “The Office” (another favorite) has been nothing but re-runs for the last few weeks, with no warning, whatsoever. This does some serious damage to my quality of life. And that, is pathetic.

Joe and I are starting a new diet/exercise plan tomorrow. So tonight, we finished off the last of the cookies and ice cream, just to be safe. Clearly it would be foolish to allow that kind of temptation to remain in the house. Better to get rid of it now.

This is how I know for sure that my kid is a gift from God: He was designed to challenge any and all selfish impulses that I have, either by nature or habit. He is physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting. While being difficult to deal with much of the time he also represents the single greatest joy in my life. He is a teaching tool for holiness (these are never fun), wrapped up in the sweetest packaging and bringing with it all kinds of goodness. Very sneaky, God, but I’m on to you.

Charlie and I made a deal. While I put away the laundry, he would do this:

Hopefully, my skills will improve over time…we’ll see.

Growing enterprise seeks energetic manager.

Minimum Qualifications: Marriage License (not an industry standard across the board, but we highly recommend it.)
Skills: Being nocturnal helps, as well as whatever is the opposite of nocturnal (dayturnal?) at the same time. What we mean is, how long can you go without sleep? Also, being able to do things one-handed - make a lasagna, fold laundry, etc. You know, multi-tasking. High tolerance for very loud noise a plus!
Experience: It doesn’t matter how much experience you think you have, trust us, you don’t have any. Unless you’re already one-handed. Are you one-handed?
Training: No formal instruction is provided. On-the-job training only.
Hours: Flexible! (i.e. Candidates are expected to be available “on-call” 24 hours a day. Hours subject to change without notice.)
Paid Vacation: None. In fact, if you want a break, you need to pay someone else to cover your shift. This includes coffee breaks, bathroom breaks, showers, and anything else that might take you away from your post.
Sick Days: None. Don’t get sick. We’re kidding, of course you can get sick, but we wouldn’t recommend it, since you still need to show up for work. And by the way, you can’t take any good cold medicine.
Compensation and Benefits: Performance-based. The most successful managers will be dismissed after 18 years of faithful service.

I love my job. Really.