Amateur Hour

Joe and I got married. The time has flown by. I feel like I should have something profound to say about marriage, but right now I’m too tired to be brilliant. Joe was sick and I spent the day trying not to be jealous - not jealous of him being sick, but jealous of the fact that he got to take a “sick day” which is not included in my job description. (Must remember to read fine print in the future!) Obviously, I’m not living out this vocation perfectly, but I hope to get a little better at it every day. Sometimes its a challenge, but the “burden” is light and I’m happy to have it. I love Joe very much.

Not too long ago, I was asked to provide some “words of wisdom” for a friend of mine at her bridal shower. I didn’t feel like I had much “wisdom” as I’ve only been married a couple of years, so I polled some people who have been married longer than I have, and here is what they said:

1) The more you give, the more you get.

2) “How you begin is how you will end.” Basically, if you want your husband to do XYZ down the road, you better start training him now.

3) Never confuse your ego with your individuality.

4) Forget that ‘marriage is 50-50′ concept, it should be 100-100.

5) Personally, I spent a lot of time being irritated about small things. They really have never changed. Don’t sweat the small stuff sounds trite, but it really is true.

6) “Men and women are different.” Most people think they know this, but until you live with a member of the opposite sex, you don’t realize just how different. There are so many ways, but one of the most important for a new wife might be, “Men are very literal. They will not get what you ‘mean.’ They will only hear what you say. Your husband will do anything for you, but you will have to ask him. Directly. Literally. He won’t get it any other way.”

7) Marriage is a 70/30 relationship. You should always plan to give 70%.

8 ) Your husband is not a mind reader. If you want/need something from him, tell him.

9) When you’re in the midst of a disagreement, stop and look your spouse in the eye and say, “You are not the enemy.”

10) Pray for each other and tell each other that you are doing/have done this.

11) Never go to sleep on an argument. Even if that means you are still glaring at each other at 2 in the morning.

12) Separate bathrooms.

13) The most important minute of the day is in the way you greet each other after work.

14) Always treat your spouse with the same consideration you would give to a stranger. (In other words, don’t forget the “pleases” and “thank yous” and “would you like something to drink”.)

15) It is fine to go to bed mad - sleep is important! You should not, however, undertake demolition or fell trees until you resolve your tiff.

16) Leave and cleave.

17) Never let the sun go down on a disagreement without airing it;

18 ) Someone always has to be the first to apologise.

19) Before marriage keep your eyes wide open. Afterwards, keep them half closed. (Especially true if you share a bathroom!!)