Amateur Hour

Charlie has a runny nose today. 

I’m sure it has nothing to do with our trip to the commissary on Wednesday.  I let him sit in one of those cute shopping carts that looks like a truck.  He *licked* the steering wheel.  Ewwwwwww.  Not a whole lot that antibacterial gel can do for that.

The shopping trip ended in that special kind of public humiliation that is reserved for parents of toddlers.  While standing in the checkout line, Charlie managed to grab a package of blueberries and dump them all over the floor in spectacular fashion - picture bouncing, rolling berries everywhere.  Cue temper tantrum.  He was mad, because he did not intend to dump the blueberries, he intended to eat them.  And there I stood, surrounded by blueberries and unable to clean up the mess because I needed both arms to restrain my kicking, screaming 2-year-old.  Good times.

So, here’s what scares me these days.  Every so often, I find an errant sippy cup somewhere - in the car, under the couch, in the corner of a toy box, somewhere - a sippy cup that once contained milk, but now contains something else entirely.  Something chunky and disgusting that smells absolutely evil.  I am afraid to open these sippy cups.  Here are two that have been sitting on my kitchen counter for a week, I think.  Ew. 

One of these days, I will gather the courage to open them, confront the evil inside, and destroy it with lots of hot water and dish soap.  But not today.

got up and fed the baby this morning. Forget grand, romantic gestures - its little things like this that make me want to devote the rest of my life to this man. By taking over my job this morning, I was free to take a shower, which has been more difficult to squeeze in since Charlie gave up his morning nap. It got me thinking about things that used to be dull responsibilities (B.C. - Before Charlie) that are now luxuries. Showering would definitely make that list. Here are some others:

* paying attention during mass (I was easily distracted before. now? forget it.)

* going to the grocery store (alone! the decadence!)

* going to the gym (never, never, never did I think I would look forward to this.)

That’s all I can think of right now…if you happen to know of any more, don’t tell me, I think I’d rather be surprised. Ha, ha… Ha.

Growing enterprise seeks energetic manager.

Minimum Qualifications: Marriage License (not an industry standard across the board, but we highly recommend it.)
Skills: Being nocturnal helps, as well as whatever is the opposite of nocturnal (dayturnal?) at the same time. What we mean is, how long can you go without sleep? Also, being able to do things one-handed - make a lasagna, fold laundry, etc. You know, multi-tasking. High tolerance for very loud noise a plus!
Experience: It doesn’t matter how much experience you think you have, trust us, you don’t have any. Unless you’re already one-handed. Are you one-handed?
Training: No formal instruction is provided. On-the-job training only.
Hours: Flexible! (i.e. Candidates are expected to be available “on-call” 24 hours a day. Hours subject to change without notice.)
Paid Vacation: None. In fact, if you want a break, you need to pay someone else to cover your shift. This includes coffee breaks, bathroom breaks, showers, and anything else that might take you away from your post.
Sick Days: None. Don’t get sick. We’re kidding, of course you can get sick, but we wouldn’t recommend it, since you still need to show up for work. And by the way, you can’t take any good cold medicine.
Compensation and Benefits: Performance-based. The most successful managers will be dismissed after 18 years of faithful service.

I love my job. Really.