Amateur Hour

I recently stumbled across this article comparing life as a stay-at-home-mom to life in a monastery. It made me look at my everyday tasks in a whole new light. Here’s an excerpt:

Hence, a mother raising children, perhaps in a more privileged way even than a professional contemplative, is forced, almost against her will, to constantly stretch her heart. For years, while raising children, her time is never her own, her own needs have to be kept in second place, and every time she turns around a hand is reaching out and demanding something. She hears the monastic bell many times during the day and she has to drop things in mid-sentence and respond, not because she wants to, but because it’s time for that activity and time isn’t her time, but God’s time.

…never send to know for whom the monastic bell tolls; it tolls for me!

Daniel was baptized on May 17th – hooray! It only took me a little over a month to get around to posting it (such is life with a toddler and baby!) His wonderful godparents Tom and Katie traveled a long way on short notice, which was much appreciated! Unfortunately, Charlie’s antics during mass were more than the bunch of us could handle, and my mom had to take him out. Daniel screamed almost the entire time, so between the two of them I felt like the worst. mom. ever. If I could have nursed Daniel during the actual baptism without flashing the entire parish, I would have. Oh, well, I’m pretty sure the sacrament is valid even if the priest’s words are drowned out by the baby screaming. Here are some pictures (you can’t really see Daniel screaming in the pictures, but the funny look on my face says it all, I think!):

Oh, and here’s a picture of Daniel in the cutest onesie of all time ( a gift from his fabulous godparents):

Daniel Philip was born Saturday, March 29 at 8:29 p.m. He weighed 7 lbs. 14 oz., and was 21 inches long. Here’s a picture of him on his way home from the hospital.

On Friday the 28th, I went in for an ultrasound and non-stress test, which are standard tests to monitor the baby’s condition when you go overdue. The non-stress test (which measures the baby’s heart rate over time) was fine, but when the ultrasound tech came in and looked at the ultrasound, we had the following conversation:

Tech: Have you been leaking amniotic fluid?

Me: No, why, is it all gone? Haha. (I was kidding.)

Tech: Yep.

Me: What?!

Officially, I had oligohydramnios, which is a fancy word for low amniotic fluid levels and can happen when a baby is overdue. The baby appeared to be fine, but the lack of amniotic fluid was an indication that the placenta was getting old and tired, and ready to throw in the towel. This was not a good thing since I was still nowhere near being in labor yet.

I called Joe, thinking I would leave a message, but I got lucky and he answered. He was in Tampa. I told him what was happening, and he started working on getting to the hospital. Thanks to good luck and helpful co-workers, Joe was at the hospital within 4 hours. I was admitted immediately, and the midwife came in to give me my options: induction or c-section. My Bishop’s Score was zero, which meant the induction would likely fail. The plan was to start with a very low-risk foley bulb overnight, and if I still wasn’t in labor in the morning we would reassess.

I didn’t sleep at all that night – the foley bulb triggered intermittent contractions, enough to keep me awake and annoy me, but not enough to make serious progress. In the morning, I was still not in labor. The bulb had done all it could do, the only remaining options were to proceed with pitocin or go straight for the surgery. I was terrified of the pitocin, and almost gave up and went for the surgery. Joe helped me get through that, and we started the pit at 9am on Saturday.

I progressed well up to 7cm, when I was in some serious pain and I stalled out for a while. I was worried about how an epidural would affect my progress – I had heard many stories about epidurals leading to c-sections. However, I couldn’t manage the pain any longer, so I asked for it. I was truly amazed at the pain relief it provided, and within minutes I fell asleep (at this point I had been awake for at least 34 hours.) I was fully dilated at 8pm, and pushed for just under 30 minutes, which really surprised me. First-time moms often push for an hour or three, but for me it was pretty quick and easy (thanks to the epidural!) I am now the proud owner of a “proven pelvis” as well as the proud mommy to two sweet boys.

So he’s here! He’s beautiful and healthy and we are so grateful for this gift from God!

Well, it looks like we have a squatter. Baby brother’s lease is up. He was due 3/21 according to my calculations, and 3/19 according to the midwives. The little stinker missed his cue on both counts. So, this week, I have three appointments because when you go overdue they want to monitor the baby’s health very carefully. I’ll have a regular appointment with the midwives, and two ultrasounds to evaluate the condition of the placenta (make sure its still functioning well) and the levels of amniotic fluid (low levels can indicate that the baby is having trouble.) If nothing happens by 4/1 they want to induce me. I am hoping and praying to avoid that for lots of reasons. For one, my chances of having another c-section skyrocket if I go ahead with an induction. Also, I really want to avoid pitocin if at all possible, because of my scar. In the meantime, I’ve been doing other things to try and get this baby moving. We’ll see what happens…

So, they say that the thing to do these days is write a birth “plan.” Its really just a list of preferences, because there is no planning these things. But, being a dutiful patient, I wrote mine. To be honest, it isn’t even a list of my preferences, let alone a plan. Because I’m attempting a VBAC, which is somewhat riskier than a typical, uncomplicated birth, there are all these rules about what I can and can’t do. So, its really a list of the things I think I can get away with, along with a few things I know they won’t let me get away with. Its probably too much information for some, so if childbirth grosses you out (I know I find most things about it positively horrifying), you may want to skip the gory details.

Labor:

• I would like to be free to walk around as much as possible during labor. (This is wishful thinking. They aren’t going to let me off the EFM, so I’ll be tied to at least one machine the entire time. I will probably be able to walk around the bed, but not anywhere else.)
• I would like to be able to move around and change positions throughout labor.
• I would prefer to keep the number of vaginal exams to a minimum.
• I would prefer a hep lock to an IV, unless I am unable to stay hydrated by drinking water/clear liquids for some reason.

Monitoring:

• I understand the importance of external fetal monitoring. I would like the opportunity to be removed from the EFM for short periods of time. I will be happy to carry a Doppler to monitor the baby’s heart rate while I am away from the monitor. (They already told me that I will only be allowed off the monitor to go to the bathroom, and that’s only because the wires won’t reach to the bathroom.)
• I would like to avoid internal fetal monitoring if at all possible.

Labor Induction and Augmentation:

• If I am overdue, or my labor stalls out, I will consider non-pharmacological and natural methods of labor induction and augmentation (e.g. walking, foley bulb, breast pump, etc.)
• I would like to avoid pitocin and prostaglandins.

Pain Medication:

• I will ask for pain medication when I feel that it is necessary – there is no need to offer. Unless you’re making margaritas in the break room – in that case, feel free to offer anytime. I like mine on the rocks, with salt.

Episiotomy:

• I would like to avoid an episiotomy. If one is necessary, please inform me, and numb the area before cutting.

Birth:

• I would like to choose the position in which I give birth.
• Once I am fully dilated, I would like to try and wait until I feel the urge to push before beginning that phase.
• If possible, I would like compresses and perineal support to allow tissues to stretch and minimize tearing. (See what I mean? Horrifying.)
• I would like to hold my baby immediately after birth.

After Birth:

• I would like time to allow the cord to stop pulsing before clamping and cutting.
• I would like local anesthetic before repairing any damage from episiotomy and/or tears. (You would think that this should go without saying, but just in case, I’m saying it.)
• I would like the baby to stay with me at all times, including during any necessary examinations.
• I would like to be seen by a lactation consultant as soon as possible.

Cesarean:

• I would like to avoid a Cesarean unless absolutely necessary.
• I would like the incision in my uterus to be double-stitched closed.
• I would like my labor support (particularly my husband) to stay with me at all times.
• I would prefer that my arms not be tied down during the surgery. (This is wishful thinking as well – I know they’re going to tie my arms down, I just want them to know that I don’t like it.)
• I would like the baby to stay with me at all times after the birth unless he is in distress and needs medical care.

If I really had control over this baby’s birth, my birth plan would read as follows:

• I would like my baby delivered via FedEx same-day delivery.
• Please be sure to pack the baby properly so as to avoid even the slightest damage.
• Please note that this package must be carefully handled and stored only in a temperature-controlled environment.
• I would like the package insured, and I would like a tracking number, so that I can monitor his progress along the delivery route.
• If you can phone ahead with an approximate delivery time, that would be much appreciated – a 4-hour window is fine. That way, I will be sure to be home to sign for the package.
• Please note that only my husband or myself are authorized to accept this package. Do not just leave the baby on the porch, or attempt to leave him at a neighbor’s house. Thank you.

I only recently discovered Danielle Bean’s blog – I loved this article that she wrote.

Ack! I am so not ready! Here’s my list of things to do before the baby comes. Don’t laugh – I know it won’t all get done. Just humor me, please, or I might start to cry.

1. Clean out the car.
2. Retrieve from attic, wash, and install infant car seat.
3. Pack for the hospital.
4. Write birth “plan.”
5. Ignore the fact that I have zero control over how the birth will go and thus calling my personal birth preferences a “plan” is somewhat silly.
6. Worry about how the birth will go.
7. Meet with doula.
8. Stock up on Lansinoh and hope that nursing doesn’t hurt as much this time around.
9. Purchase a breast pump.
10. Order at least one nursing bra that I think might fit. This is much harder than it sounds. Apparently women like me do not exist in normal stores like Target. We must special-order nursing bras from some warehouse in a far-away land that is impossible to locate (much like the island on Lost) and charges a premium, due to the extra expense of shipping to and from a place that exists in some sort of quantum-physics black hole.
11. Call the church re: new baby’s baptism.
12. Update family address list – for birth announcement.
13. Retrieve from attic and wash: baby clothes, blankets, bouncy seat, baby toys, baby swing, etc.
14. Declutter bedroom to make room for co-sleeper. Hope that the new baby will actually sleep in the co-sleeper.
15. Declutter and take to Goodwill stuff that we don’t need in the: office, Charlie’s room, the living room, our bedroom.
16. Organize and set up new baby’s clothes and supplies in our bedroom, somehow.
17. Declutter and organize the linen closet.
18. Stock up on newborn diapers. Pretend that having two kids in diapers at once will be “no big deal.”
19. Figure out a way to organize the mail and junk that always finds its way to the kitchen counter and multiplies.
20. Prepare and freeze at least one week of meals. Meals that I can heat and feed to Charlie and myself with one hand. On second thought, no hands would be better.
21. Get a haircut.
22. Scout hotels that are near the hospital (we live far enough away that we are going to need a place to go hang out in early labor.)
23. Straighten out the laundry closet so that it is neat and ready to tackle the additional loads that come with a new baby.
24. Hang blackout curtains in the bedroom.
25. Hang stray pictures around the house.
26. Clear the clutter off the top of the refrigerator.

I’m sure I will think of more things to add to the list. Right now its pretty overwhelming…

When dealing with a less-than-helpful bureaucrat: If you announce that you are 8 months pregnant and start to cry, said bureaucrat will suddenly become much more helpful.

I swear that I did not plan to play the pregnancy card, and I wasn’t trying to get preferential treatment. I was just having a really bad day.

Charlie has a runny nose today. 

I’m sure it has nothing to do with our trip to the commissary on Wednesday.  I let him sit in one of those cute shopping carts that looks like a truck.  He *licked* the steering wheel.  Ewwwwwww.  Not a whole lot that antibacterial gel can do for that.

The shopping trip ended in that special kind of public humiliation that is reserved for parents of toddlers.  While standing in the checkout line, Charlie managed to grab a package of blueberries and dump them all over the floor in spectacular fashion – picture bouncing, rolling berries everywhere.  Cue temper tantrum.  He was mad, because he did not intend to dump the blueberries, he intended to eat them.  And there I stood, surrounded by blueberries and unable to clean up the mess because I needed both arms to restrain my kicking, screaming 2-year-old.  Good times.

I was not much of a nester during my last pregnancy, but this week I’ve been on a roll….

The silverware drawer, before and after.  Not the most dramatic transformation, but trust me, its better:

My spice cabinet was a total mess and not user-friendly at all.  Here it is, before and after:

The little stair-step thing I had was useless for storing spices.  Every time I reached for a bottle in the back, I’d knock over 2 or 3 in the front.  Plus, I couldn’t see the labels on the ones in the back.  It was ugly.

These magnetic canisters are much better:

I screwed the metal backing onto the inside of the cabinet door, and put the spices I use most frequently there.  The rest went into a plastic bin, which I can take down and look through pretty easily, without knocking everything over like dominos.  Bonus: there’s room for a bottle of olive oil, which I also use frequently. 

One more before and after shot of the pantry:

The next target of my hormone-induced neat-freakiness: the linen closet!  Stay tuned, its a thrill a minute here in the amateur household…